Football
Chris SprowPaul Kix 16y

THE MORNING ACCORDING TO US

Here's how you roll with this: check the map up top! The content here corresponds. It's WORLD-wide; that's how we roll. It's up to the minute; that's also how we do things. The important thing to remember is this: if you need surgery, you can get it done by a Heisman winner. That's right, Dr. Tebow is in the house. Who did you expect us to say, Andre Ware? Even we wouldn't let old Andre get after us. Not like that.

Dr. Tebow
Tim Tebow already has a Heisman Trophy, now, he's diversifying his portfolio. During spring break, Tebow added a new facet to his fame. In an impoverished village outside General Santos City in the Philippines, Tebow helped circumcise impoverished children. To save the world, you have to start small.

The Real #4 Retirement
According to the AP, David Witthoft finally shunned his Brett Favre jersey for a red shirt for the first time in 1,581 days. The 12-year-old Ridgefield, Conn. boy wore the No. 4 jersey every day since receiving it as a gift for Christmas in 2003. As if Brett Favre needs another excuse to weasel his way out of retirement.

Hanging by a Thread
Shailendra Roy wowed a huge crowds in India last week by pulling the infamous Darjeeling toy train with just his ponytail. Now he says he wants to go all extreme and dangle from a helicopter by his rat's end. We haven't been this impressed by a feat of strength since the days of Magnus ver Magnusson.

Vegas Feeling the Economic Heat
You know the economy is in something of a slowdown when people aren't marching off to Vegas to throw away their hard earned money. Such a sad sign. So far this year revenues have fallen 4 percent, and average daily room rates were off 3.8 percent in the first two months of 2008.

Age Repellant
A partially blind, 92-year-old Englishwoman, one Eve Mobbs, repels down the side of a seven-story parking garage to become the oldest, mostly blind repeller in the world. (Across the pond they call it "abseiling." Weird people, the British.) Afterwards she hopped in her car, turned on her left blinker, and hit a pickup truck.

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