I have been doing this a long time.
Fantasy football and I have been dancing for three decades now and I can tell you, there are things we cannot explain. There is an ebb and flow to fantasy that is hard to explain if you are not in it, but it is very real, it is very beautiful and, man, can it be very frustrating.
Hold that thought while I take you back to March 31, 1999. It was on this date that the teenage comedy "10 Things I Hate About You" was released. Starring Julia Stiles and the late, great Heath Ledger, it was a teen flick adaptation of Shakespeare's "The Taming of the Shrew." It opened up second at the box office that weekend (a little something called "The Matrix" was the same weekend) and became, as Wikipedia refers to it, a "moderate financial and critical success." To me, the best thing about the movie is the title, which is one of the all-time great titles. Just. ... perfect.
I was thinking about that title as I watched football this past weekend. Here, just two days after last week's "Love/Hate," which was basically a love letter to fantasy football, was a perfect storm of all the things that drive fantasy owners nuts.
Oh, sure, every weekend there will always be one or two things. Even three or four ... but this past weekend? All 10. The 10 things that drive me crazy about the game I love. I wrote a column a few years ago in which I used the title of "10 things" as a jumping-off point for trade etiquette, and let's be honest, the only thing I hate more than everything that happened last weekend is coming up with a new gimmick. So without further ado, let's wax poetic about the 10 things I hate about you, fantasy football.
I hate the penalty that negates the huge play you witnessed happen ...
I'm in a 16-team PPR league. You, um, may have heard me mention it before. Well, there are no quarterbacks on the waiver wire in this league. None. So with Aaron Rodgers on a bye last week, I was forced to start Jacoby Brissett. First play from scrimmage: dump-off pass to Julian Edelman (started in 73 percent of ESPN leagues last week), who takes it 90 yards (90 yards!!!) before being tackled just shy of the goal line. A huge, nine-point play in standard scoring -- obviously the most you can get on a non-scoring play -- totally makes Edelman's day and would certainly have helped my little Jacoby Brissett's line -- hey, that's three points, and maybe he even gets the QB sneak on the next play for six more. But no. Chris Hogan is called for holding (thanks, Chris Hogan. You're a peach.) All those points are wiped away. Edelman finishes with one catch for 16 yards, Brissett does nothing the rest of the game, and I lose my matchup. I'm now 3-1 and in third place, if you care, but for that penalty, I win the game. I wish I could print a "shaking my fist angrily" emoji.
I hate the stat correction that snags defeat from the jaws of victory ...
Quickly after the Browns-Redskins game, there was an Isaiah Crowell stat correction giving him eight extra rushing yards. You sweat through a game, back and forth, only to somehow squeak by with the slimmest margin of victory. Whew! And then ...
wow... there was a stat correction for Isaiah Crowell. He got 8 more yards, and I ended up losing by 0.3 instead of winning... brutal
- FFPadawan (@FFPadawan) October 5, 2016
Ouch. A loss by 3 yards? Yeah, that's gonna sting for a while.
I hate that guy who doesn't go off when the rest of the team does ...
Speaking of that Browns-Redskins game, it was filled with fantasy goodness, as both defenses struggled. Crowell had 142 total yards and a score. Terrelle Pryor got into the end zone as well on five catches for 46 yards. Kirk Cousins threw for three touchdowns, including two to Jordan Reed (who racked up 73 yards) and Matt Jones went nuts, with 138 total yards and a touchdown. Even Duke Johnson Jr. had six receptions and 86 total yards to reward those who started him in deeper PPR leagues. Yep, pretty much every player you would have considered starting in this game came through for you ... except DeSean Jackson. Going against a Browns team that, entering the week, had allowed the most completions in the NFL on balls thrown 15-plus yards, in a game in which Cousins had his way with Cleveland's secondary, in which everyone else scored as the offense totaled more than 300 yards ... DeSean Jackson accounted for exactly five of them. On one catch. Yes, he helped by drawing a few pass interference penalties, but whatever, that doesn't count in fantasy football. It should, but that's another column. At the end of the day ... one catch, for 5 yards, in a high-scoring game, from a team's top wide receiver? Arghhhhh.
I hate the defense that scores fewer points than a team on a bye ...
Super Bowl runners-up and the fourth-best fantasy defense overall last year, it's no wonder the Carolina Panthers' D/ST was a popular selection in fantasy drafts this past August. Taken as the third defense overall (in the 10th round, no less!), the Panthers' defense was started in 84 percent of leagues in Week 4. And so the Panthers went into Atlanta as a three-point favorite in a game that Vegas had predicted 48 total points would be scored. Yeah, 48 points were scored. By the Falcons! Carolina would add 33 points of its own, but the end result, as the Falcons made Carolina look like a junior high team, is that your vaunted Panthers defense scored a total of negative-1 point. Getting negative points from your defense and realizing you'd have been better off starting the Packers' defense, since they were on bye? Makes you pull your hair out. Which explains a lot, doesn't it?
I hate the big day enjoyed by the player you just dropped ...
After an injury-filled preseason and a slow start to the season, there was a surprising face on ESPN.com's "most added/dropped" list in Week 4: Arizona Cardinals WR John Brown. His ownership had been dropping steadily since the start of the year. It had leveled off some after a decent showing in Week 3, but he still made the list of top-five most-dropped wide receivers heading into Week 4. And then, sitting on many a waiver wire, John Brown goes off. Ten receptions, 144 yards, leads team in targets (16!) and is clearly fully healthy. He looks like the guy we all loved last year. That sinking feeling, as you see highlight after highlight of the guy you just dropped going nuts. And then you check your waiver order and realize you are not getting him back. What could have been? Stupid, stupid, stupid ...
I hate the points your benched player put up, which would have been the difference ...
Heading into Week 4, Matt Ryan was the No. 1 quarterback in fantasy. But having performed against subpar competition, the concern was the middle-of-the-road Matt Ryan we're used to seeing in fantasy would re-emerge in a (in theory) tough matchup with the Carolina Panthers. Many folks benched him (started in just 31 percent of ESPN.com leagues) and I will cop to having had him ranked outside my top 10. (Had him at 14, for the record. Hey, many were much lower, he said somewhat defensively!) And against the vaunted Panthers defense, all Ryan does is go 28-of-37, throw for 503 yards and four touchdowns. An amazing, unreal performance. Enjoyed by just a third of his owners, as people could do nothing but just sit there and watch as points after points continued to get racked up ... on your bench.
I hate the insane play that goes against you even though all the evidence points otherwise ...
Back to the Browns. Because, of course. Duke Johnson runs into a pile of defenders, fumbles, there's a scrum, Johnson gets out of the pile holding the ball and the refs call a fumble recovery ... for the Redskins. Wait, what? An insane sequence that even the NFL admits a "bad visual" affected the call, but ultimately, the call stood. It's bad enough when a call hurts your player, a la Edelman's called-back 90-yarder, but when the call is incorrect? I'm a Redskins fan and even I think Cleveland got hosed here. Brutal call, and one that costs Duke Johnson's owners (started in 28 percent of leagues last week) two points on the lost fumble. Uhhhhhh.
I hate the feeling you get when you play against the guy who rewrites the record book ...
You scoured the waiver wire for the best streaming defense. You've crunched the numbers and picked the right flex. Your guys have great matchups. You got a great team. And then you look at your app and see you're playing against Julio Jones. Doesn't matter what you do. All those points ... for naught. You'd have crushed anyone else in the league, but here comes Julio. Again and again. The Panthers have no answer for him and neither do you. Any other week you play against Julio, you win. Any other team you play this week, you win. But no. You have to play the one week Julio decides to go for 12 receptions, 300 yards and a touchdown. It feels made up just writing it ... 300 yards. From a wide receiver. Those are video game numbers, except it really happened and you're facing him. As I write this, I'm pretty sure he just scored again. (Bangs head against table.)
I hate playing the guy whose dumb decision ends up working out ...
Bad calls, record-setting days, plays called back, underperformance from studs ... it happens to the best of us. But hey, that's part of the game. Heading into Week 4, Le'Veon Bell's suspension had been lifted and he was expected to get the full workload, right from the start. Just like last year, DeAngelo Williams was only there to back up Bell. Beat reporters, heck, even Williams himself on the Fantasy Focus podcast, said "he's the backup. Le'Veon is getting a full workload." So there is no reason to start DeAngelo Williams, right? Why start a backup running back? And yet, I am in a league in which a guy did just that. The game goes along, and as expected, it's all Le'Veon. Williams gets just five touches for 9 yards. Nothing. And yet, at the end, in a blowout ... they give him a goal-line carry and he scores!
What? I am now suddenly losing because this guy dumbly started DeAngelo Williams and, worse, this dumb move paid off. What what what???!?!??? You gotta be kidding me! Only the crazy-late total garbage score by Travis Kelce helped me escape that game with a win, but nonetheless. When the person you are playing does something that makes no sense whatsoever and it still works out? The depths of frustration have no bounds.
I hate you, John Kuhn ... I hate you.
Through four games, John Kuhn has 11 touches for 29 yards. And four touchdowns, three of which came in Week 4. Mark Ingram was a high draft pick and started in almost every league, including by me. And he scored against San Diego early on. Great. And then ... disaster. Not one, not two, but three vultures by Kuhn. Fine, if not to Ingram, let Drew Brees throw it to Coby Fleener. Or Brandin Cooks. Or Willie Snead. Or anyone but John Kuhn. Because I am a glutton, I sent the play to our "all-22" guru Matt Bowen and asked him to diagram exactly how Brees gave the middle finger to fantasy owners. Take it away, Matt.
Matt Bowen: This is called a "Hide Boot" (as Kuhn "hides" behind the line of scrimmage). Lot of window dressing with Cooks on the jet motion to show the play-action and Ingram bursting to the flat. The TE is taught to block down and then release (he is not a primary read) with Thomas (backside WR) on the crossing route. At the snap, Kuhn comes behind the line of scrimmage to run the underneath route.
TMR: This is exactly what happens. Ingram is open out to the flat and Fleener releases, getting open. Pick a guy, Drew! Anyone works.
Bowen: From what I can see, Brees reads the OLB. If the OLB continues up the field, then Brees can dump the ball to Ingram.
Me: Exactly. That is exactly what happens. But does the linebacker continue up the field? No, of course not.
So, instead of a touch throw to Ingram, which would have worked, or hitting Fleener (less of a sure thing, but this is Drew Brees, it probably would have worked), Brees instead throws it to Kuhn. Yes, it worked, and yes, Kuhn was open, but whatever. This is me whining about fantasy football, dammit! And Ingram and Fleener were also open seconds after this photo was taken. But fine, great, Kuhn now has his second TD of the year. Does he need two more?! This could have been a huge game for Ingram. Or for Brees passing.
The vulture is pound-your-fist-into-the-couch, curse-at-the-TV and tweet things like "Why does Sean Payton hate Mark Ingram??? And me???" maddening.
I love fantasy football. It's an amazing, fun, crazy and insanely addicting emotional roller coaster filled with awesome moments. But there are 10 things I hate about it. And in Week 4, we saw all of them in one day's worth of games. Unreal.
Here's to a better Week 5. As always, this is not a start-sit column but rather players I feel fall short or exceed general expectations. For who to start or sit, be sure to check out my individual player rankings that are updated throughout the weekend, up to 12:15 p.m. ET on Sunday. Let's get to it.
Quarterbacks I love in Week 5
Tom Brady, Patriots: I know, I know. The rust thing, they've been running the ball well, Brady's numbers without Gronk are much lower, so if Gronk isn't 100 percent ... whatever man. I've heard it all. I'm just putting him in here to say: Welcome back, Tom. Personally, I'm starting him and not thinking twice about it. Free Brady, baby. The Gronk you tour starts Sunday in Cleveland.
Derek Carr, Raiders: The loss of Jason Verrett for the Chargers' secondary is significant, especially as the Bolts have given up at least 300 yards or multiple scores in every game this season. As discussed in the Kuhn (KUHN!!!!!) section, Brees (the one guy to NOT throw for 300 yards against them) could have easily had a much bigger game. Carr is playing terrific football this year, and he has four games in the past calendar year with at least three TD passes and no INTs (Aaron Rodgers and Cam Newton have combined for four such games). He is easily in the top-five discussion this week and for the season. In case you were wondering if he's a fluke, he isn't.
Philip Rivers, Chargers: Should be lots of scoring in this game, as I don't expect the Chargers to slow down the Raiders, which means Philip is gonna have to keep chucking it. The Raiders are giving up more than 325 passing yards a game this season and that average includes a game against run-heavy, conservative Tennessee. With the Raiders giving up the most pass plays of 20-plus yards, expect Rivers to test them deep, as he ranks in the top 10 in completion percentage and QBR on passes thrown 15-plus yards in the air this season.
Carson Wentz, Eagles: No two ways about it. Kid is legit and coming off a bye should only help. As will facing a Lions team that has coughed up 12 passing touchdowns and generated just one interception. In addition to the fact Wentz has improved his completion percentage in each start this season -- better than 74 percent in his last game -- Detroit allows opponents to complete 70 percent of their passes, the second-highest rate in the league. He's still available in 43 percent of leagues and certainly a strong streaming option this week if you are a Brees, Russell Wilson, Blake Bortles or Carson Palmer owner.
Others receiving votes: Brian Hoyer is available in 94 percent of leagues, is the fourth-best QB in fantasy the past two weeks (since he became the starter), has the third-most completions in that time frame and gets a Colts team that is being forced to play after being in London last week. The Colts are top 10 in fantasy points allowed to opposing QBs, having given up a pair of 25-point efforts already. ...I have no confidence in the Tampa Bay secondary, which means Jameis Winston is going to have to throw, and against that no longer scary Panthers secondary, he'll be successful. ... Whichever Denver quarterback gets the start, Trevor Siemian or Paxton Lynch, is a fine QB2 with upside at home to a Falcons defense that isn't getting pressure (league-low four sacks) and has allowed 13 touchdown passes in four games.
Quarterbacks I hate in Week 5
Matt Ryan, Falcons: I know, I know. He has been ridiculous. And am I really putting him on the "hate" list after 500 yards? Apparently. Look, expectations are sky high and I feel he falls short of them, so, you know ... hate list. It boils down to the Broncos, as they lead the league in sacks this season and Ryan has struggled versus pressure. Cam Newton, Andrew Luck, Andy Dalton and Jameis Winston: None of them have thrown for more than 206 yards against the Broncos this season and Denver has given up just two touchdown passes all season. Ryan is simply not a top-12 play for me this week.
Matthew Stafford, Lions: Man, I hope I am wrong on this one. But with Golden Tate struggling and Eric Ebron not expected to play in this game, Stafford is running out of options in the passing game. And now here come the Eagles, who have yet to allow a touchdown pass this season, rank fourth in sacks per game (Stafford completes just 42 percent of passes when under pressure), and have spent two weeks prepping for this matchup. The Eagles' defensive coordinator is former Lions head coach Jim Schwartz. He knows Stafford well and didn't leave on the best of terms. Think he wants to make a statement? Me, too. There's only so much future President Jim Bob Cooter can do. Stafford is not a top-12 play for me.
Running backs I love in Week 5
Jordan Howard, Bears: Two first names, always a crowd pleaser. As is 5.8 yards per touch and the fact that he should once again get the majority of touches against a run defense traveling back from London -- have I mentioned that, old chap? I have? Cheerio, then -- that is giving up more than 22 fantasy points per game to opposing running backs. I mean, the Jaguars can't run the ball at all and they still piled up 146 yards on 26 touches last week. In London. Where the Colts are flying back from to play a game. Instead of a bye week. Because they were in London last Sunday. Which is far away. In England. OK, I'm done now.
Eddie Lacy, Packers: After starting the season strong, the Giants' run defense has shown some vulnerability recently, giving up more than 90 yards a game and two scores to opposing runners the past two weeks. The Giants are traveling on a short week and face off against Lacy, who is coming off a bye, at home, and just had a 103-yard effort against Detroit. Lacy is traditionally a slow starter, and his numbers this season compare favorably with how he started in the years he was a top-six fantasy running back. He needs to score, but that's coming. This is your last chance to buy low, as Lacy also has good numbers off a bye in his career (87 yards per game, 2 TDs, 4.4 yards per touch in three games). He's a very solid RB2 this week.
LeGarrette Blount and James White, Patriots: With it being Brady's first game back and on the road, with a potentially less than 100 percent Rob Gronkowski, expect the running backs to be featured here against a Browns team that is allowing the second-most yards before contact per rush, has given up two touchdowns to running backs by reception and only Baltimore's running backs failed to score more than 20 points against Cleveland. Blount an easy RB1 play this week and White very much on the flex radar with RB2 consideration in PPR.
Devonta Freeman, Falcons: What? But, but, but ... they're playing Denver! No doubt. But with Tevin Coleman likely playing limited snaps because of sickle cell trait, Freeman should get a ton of work here, especially as the Falcons want to establish the run on the road. With Denver bringing pressure, I expect a ton of dump-offs to Freeman in this one. Though I don't believe he goes nuts, I wanted to put him in here to say, basically, that while Denver is awesome, I'm still starting Freeman this week. I think he will exceed expectations and have a strong chance of returning strong RB2 numbers.
Others receiving votes: With Justin Forsett looking for work and Kenneth Dixon just getting back, Terrance West should get a chance to build off last week's strong game and get the majority of work in a matchup with a Redskins run defense allowing 4.9 yards per carry this year. No team has allowed more rushing touchdowns this season. West is still available in 30 percent of ESPN leagues. ... Jerick McKinnon got 21 touches for Minnesota in Week 4 and should continue a heavy-volume role against a Texans team that has allowed four RB touchdowns and more than 100 rushing yards to running backs in three straight weeks. ...With Latavius Murray unlikely to play on Sunday, I expect a time-share between DeAndre Washington and Jalen Richard, and both could have solid flex value in what should be a high-scoring game with San Diego. I prefer Washington over Richard, but both will get touches behind one of the league's best offensive lines. .... Even if Rashad Jennings is active, Bobby Rainey should have some PPR flex value in a game the Giants will have to throw to keep up.
Running backs I hate in Week 5
Arian Foster, Dolphins: As of this writing, he had returned to practice on Wednesday, so my expectation is that he plays. However, in his first game back from injury, I don't love anything about this rushing offense, especially against a tougher-than-they-get-credit-for Titans run defense that has allowed just one rushing touchdown this season and will likely be able to control time of possession themselves against the Dolphins' 29th-ranked run defense. And if Foster is out, I hate all the other guys even more. I don't care how desperate you are. There's got to be a better option.
Ryan Mathews, Eagles: Doug Pederson came out and said "he's still our primary guy," but admitted Mathews was still dealing with ankle soreness. Here's the problem with ankle soreness: As you continue to run on it, it keeps getting sorer. Darren Sproles has his role and after the Eagles' last game in Week 3, Wendell Smallwood will get some work as well. I appreciate Pederson backing his veteran, but Mathews is in a time-share here, with a chance of not finishing the game. No thanks.
Tevin Coleman, Falcons: I just don't think he gets much run, as mentioned above. Bad matchup, limited touches, no thanks.
Charles Sims, Buccaneers: Banged up, ineffective in his last game and talk of Jacquizz Rodgers getting more work. Let this be a lesson to you kids out there. Whatever you do, when someone suggests they'd like Jacquizz Rodgers to do more of your job, that's a bad sign. I'm kidding, of course. Rodgers is fine, but while the Panthers' defense doesn't scare me, they still have a great linebacker corps that covers well, so I don't see a ton of success for Sims in terms of the dump-off passes, especially if Rodgers is more involved (he's a good pass-catcher as well). Sims is not a top-20 play for me in standard scoring, even with Doug Martin expected to be out.
I know. Another weak list of running backs for "hate," but what can I say? Four teams on a bye, some injuries, lots of backfields by committee ... basically any running back with a pulse has value.
Wide receivers I love in Week 5
Julian Edelman, Patriots: Have I mentioned Tom is back? Because he is. In the eight games Edelman started and finished with Brady last season, Edelman averaged almost 13 points per game. With Gronkowski looking as though he is less than 100 percent, expect Brady to go with what he knows: Julian Edelman. Slot receivers are among the things the Browns struggle with; they have given up an average of seven catches for 81 yards per game to the slot and have allowed a slot TD in three of four games this season. I'm the only one of our rankers to have Edelman as a top-10 play.
Demaryius Thomas and Emmanuel Sanders, Broncos: I'm not worried about whomever is playing quarterback. These are the only two guys in a surprisingly solid passing offense, and I love the matchup against a Falcons defense that plays too much three-deep zone. They're prone to giving up big passing plays (the Falcons have allowed a league-high-tying 18 pass plays of 20-plus yards, a league-high 44.8 pass attempts per game and a league-high 13 TD passes). Atlanta doesn't have a strong pass rush (tied for last in the league in sacks), and whoever is playing QB for Denver should have all day to find the mismatches with these guys.
Jordan Matthews, Eagles: Same reasons I like Carson Wentz. The Lions allow opponents to complete 70.7 percent of passes (second highest in the NFL), and they've allowed a player to catch at least six passes for more than 80 yards and a score in three straight weeks. Per my friend Mike Clay's WR/CB matchup chart, the 6-foot-3 Matthews will play the slot, avoiding Darius Slay and instead find himself matched up with 5-foot-9 Quandre Diggs. Matthews is a top-15 play for me.
Odell Beckham Jr., Giants: Prime-time game, all the drama, gut call but I feel he goes off against a Packers secondary currently ranked 29th against the pass.
Others receiving votes: DeSean Jackson gets matched up with Shareece Wright in this game against the Ravens, so yeah, I know it's was a tough week last week, but I'm back in. Gimme some DeSean Jackson in this one. ... With the Raiders allowing at least 25 fantasy points to opposing wideouts in three of four games this season and 6-foot-4 Tyrell Williams tied for the lead in the NFL in red zone targets, I'm on board with Williams as a WR3 with upside on Sunday. ... Robert Woods has six or more receptions in back-to-back games, and now he gets a Rams team that has seen wide receivers catch an NFL-high 69 passes against them this season, including 43 for 548 yards and two scores the past two weeks. ... Ben Roethlisberger is at home and the Jets have allowed seven pass plays of 40 or more yards. Sammie Coates has a league-high five receptions on 40-plus yards. ... Given how No. 1 wideouts have abused Miami this season, I could see Tajae Sharpe being useful this week.
Wide receivers I hate in Week 5
Alshon Jeffery, Bears: I can't imagine you have better options, so you gotta start him this week. And maybe with Kevin White going on IR he gets some more love from Brian Hoyer, but in Hoyer's first two starts, Jeffery has averaged just six targets a game and he's never been higher than third on the team in targets. He's expected to be matched up with Vontae Davis in this one, so Jeffery is outside my top 10 for the week and not someone I'd use in daily.
Will Fuller, Texans: His production has been terrific, but this is entirely about my belief that the Texans will make a concerted effort to get DeAndre Hopkins going in this one and the fact he'll face the Vikings defense. Seeing how Brock Osweiler crumbled under pressure at New England in Week 3 makes me nervous for how he'll be on the road in Minnesota's raucous new digs. Fuller is a boom-or-bust WR3 this week.
Michael Floyd, Cardinals: Losing snaps and targets to John Brown, you figure Larry Fitzgerald gets his, so how much production do you want to expect from Drew Stanton traveling on a short week? For his career, Stanton has completed just 54 percent of his passes with 12 touchdowns and 18 interceptions. I know Floyd scored a touchdown last week, but that's what you're banking on here: a score from a bad QB on the road getting fewer snaps than either Fitz or John Brown.
Golden Tate, Lions: Just brutal. I put him here only because I've gotten some questions on him. You know I don't like the matchup with the Eagles and with fewer than five points in four straight games to start the season, forget benching him, I have no issue dropping him in re-draft leagues.
Phillip Dorsett, Colts: With just seven targets in his past two games, the increase we expected when Donte Moncrief got hurt hasn't been there and despite injuries, the Bears have actually been pretty solid against the pass so far, ranking in the top five in the NFL in terms of fewest pass plays allowed per week that gain 20-plus yards.
Tight ends I love in Week 5
Zach Ertz, Eagles: Apparently, I'm on the Eagles this week. Sorry, Philly fans. But the Lions HAVE allowed a score to an opposing tight end every week this season and in Week 1, Ertz caught six of seven targets from Wentz.
Zach Miller, Bears: Now, as I was writing this he showed up on the injury report for Wednesday, so keep track of that. But assuming he plays, Miller now has scores in back-to-back Hoyer starts, has eight scores in his past 12 games, has caught 85 percent of his targets this season, and the Colts, well, you're not gonna believe this, but you'll never guess where they were last weekend. What? Who told? He's a top-10 play for me.
Others receiving votes: The Panthers have allowed four touchdowns to tight ends in the past three weeks and Cameron Brate is very much a legit part of the Bucs' offense, running a route on 63.1 percent of his snaps since becoming the starter in Week 3. For comparison, Rob Gronkowski ran a route on 57.1 percent of snaps last season. ... If you're truly desperate, C.J. Uzomah will fill in for Tyler Eifert again this weekend and gets a plum matchup against a Cowboys squad offering up the third-most fantasy points to opposing tight ends.
Tight ends I hate in Week 5
Dennis Pitta, Ravens: After a hot stretch, Pitta seems to have cooled down, with less than 60 yards combined the past two weeks. Washington has yet to allow a tight end touchdown this season, but, admittedly, the only real tight ends they've faced this year are Jason Witten and Gary Barnidge with a third-stringer throwing it to him. That said, Pitta has scored on just one of his past 61 regular-season targets. He's usable in PPR leagues this week and frankly, the position is so ugly he's just outside my top 10 this week, so I feel he'll be fine, but he's far from an exciting option.
Hunter Henry, Chargers: This is insane to me, because he has been great, but with Antonio Gates returning to practice on Wednesday my guess is he plays in this game, thus hurting Henry's value in what otherwise is a great matchup. If Gates is inactive, ignore this, but assuming Gates plays, Henry is outside of my top 10.
Defenses I love in Week 5
Philadelphia Eagles: I mean, you've read the column, right? Two weeks to prep, Detroit can't run and Philly can stop the pass.
Arizona Cardinals: "Guys, if we don't score, Drew Stanton is gonna have to."
Others receiving votes: The Bills have 33 standard fantasy points the past two weeks, the third-most sacks and Case Keenum on tap. ... The Steelers are at home against Ryan Fitzpatrick and well, he has struggled a bit lately, to be kind. ... If you're in a crazy-deep league and are truly desperate, I do think the 49ers could be useful here in a top-15 kind of way.
Defenses I hate in Week 5
New York Jets: Big Ben is ridiculous at home and the Jets' secondary is really struggling. They are an elite defense in name only, not reality.
New York Giants: The only team in the NFL without an interception also has a banged-up secondary, and now has to travel on a short week to Lambeau for a prime-time game? Against Aaron Rodgers, who is off a bye and had two weeks to prep for this? Yeah, I'm gonna pass. Thanks.
Matthew Berry, The Talented Mr. Roto, wishes fantasy football could be played year round. He is the creator of RotoPass.com, a paid spokesman for DraftKings.com and one of the owners of the Fantasy Life app.