Posted by Chris Jones
PRETORIA, South Africa -- Drinking and soccer is a match made in heaven -- and, sadly, in next-day hell -- but before today's game here between Paraguay and Japan, the relationship was a little too closely tied.
Several of us, having grown tired of the cuisine offered at the media center -- where a chicken burger qualifies as a "light meal" -- went across the street from the stadium for a pregame lunch. We went into a bar called Eastwoods, a great barn of a place with rows of outside tables with red plastic tablecloths.
We'd been there less than 30 seconds when a pair of pretty girls in, um, tight referee outfits and high heels -- a natural combination -- approached with plastic cups of beer. It having been only about nine hours since we closed the hotel bar last night, we all declined.
Maybe a minute later, another pair of girls appeared with more plastic cups of beer. No, thank you.
And again.
And again.
I actually took out a piece of paper and wrote a sentence I've never before written -- NO BEER, THANK YOU -- and left it on the table.
I failed, though, to make a written refusal of shots, so over came some different girls with Jagerbombs.
Jagermeister and Red Bull? Yes, please!
Wait. I mean, "No, thank you."
It was relentless. After 10 minutes, we'd been offered shots five times and beer six. If we'd actually said yes each time, we'd have been totally off our nut hours before the game. Instead, we ordered a round of Cokes and the only food available, one of three types of platters: chicken, sausage and the delightful, mysterious "meat." One of each, please.
And no beer, thank you.
Yet there were people around us who couldn't resist. Every time a pretty girl came by with a different drink, they succumbed. Lines of wary police on horseback formed on the closed-off street outside the bar. Guys dressed as samurai and ancient extras from Kurosawa flicks posed for pictures. Argentines who had failed their lessons in bracketology tried to scalp their tickets. This morning, the quiet, peaceful suburb of Pretoria had turned into a circus -- a very drunk, vaguely terrifying circus without any exotic animals and where all the clowns had swords.
On second thought, maybe I will have a beer, please.