Posted by Mark Young
JOHANNESBURG -- South Africa is a country for unique experiences: a trio of white rhinos scampering across the road in front of your jeep, receiving wake-up calls from a real person (who politely insists on telling you the anticipated high temperature of the day) and meeting so many people, such as Sweetness and Princess, whose charm and warmth match their names. But something has happened to me here that seemed unimaginable as I set off on this World Cup trek: I'm rooting for Diego Maradona.
The Hand of God goal will always rankle, but the pure guilty pleasure of watching "Maradonia: La Sangre y La Furia" has salved all long, lingering wounds. Alas, the World Cup's best-ever telenovela is in cliffhanger mode, and my other World Cup favorite is predicting a sticky end for Don Diego tomorrow. Yes, Paul the Psychic Octopus has plumped for Germany.
Could the eight-legged oracle be wrong? Hey, I've learned my lesson about doubting Paul's abilities, so I'm bumming that none of his many tentacles embraced the Argentina flag bedecked cube at the bottom of his fish tank. It would be a shame to see the tango trident of Lionel Messi, Carlos Tevez and Gonzalo Higuain head home, but what I would really miss is Argentina's other triple threat: Maradona and the Two Suits.
All great characters have two henchmen: Hamlet had Rosencrantz and Guildenstern; Morris Buttermaker had Amanda Whurlitzer and Kelly Leak; and, of course, 007 had M and Q. While El Diez primps, poses and prowls in the coaching box, his old mates Alejandro Mancuso and Hector Enrique quietly stand guard in the background. Rarely has a pair of lieutenants looked more uncomfortable in their uniforms, but the Two Suits provide an invaluable service to Maradona: always ready with a quick word when the boss forgets there's an actual football match going on in front of him and always poised for a joyous hug.
It's hard to resist the comparison of Maradona and the Two Suits to characters from a Martin Scorsese mafia movie, but there is no Method acting when it comes to Argentina's head coach. He is an over-the-top melodramatic showman worthy of James Bond villainy.
According to Paul the Octopus, it's Germany that has a license to kill in Cape Town. Which, sadly, would be appropriate as the Two Suits are dead ringers for the henchmen in the awful Bond movie "License To Kill," Franz Sanchez and Milton Krest. Which, of course, leaves Maradona as Wayne Newton, and me left to say one thing: Danke schoen, Diego.