For the love of god.

Twenty-six point two miles in 2 hours, 3 minutes, 2 seconds. That was the winning time at the Boston Marathon on Monday. I must have read 10 different articles to confirm that was not a typo. All I could think of was what in the heck is that by the mile? So, I did the math (full disclosure: runner websites provide conversion calculators, so they did the math ... save yourself the headache). That is 4:41 a mile.

Sweet mama.

Well, actually, sweet Mutai.

Kenyan Geoffrey Mutai ran the Boston Marathon faster than anyone else in the world. EVER. (And if you don't really pay attention to those darn nitpicky rules and regulations imposed by the IAAF, he is also the world-record holder for the marathon.)

But enough with the details, let's get back to 4:41 per mile ... for TWENTY-SIX POINT TWO MILES (don't forget the point two).

I can't even run three laps in 4:41. And I think I am a pretty good runner. Well ... I was a pretty good runner. OK, OK, at least I'm a soccer player and that means I generally like to run. (My favorite poet/writer/artist Brian Andreas confirms this fact when he writes about soccer so it must be true: "What are the rules? I said and he said you run and you run and you run until you fall over. There's a couple others in there for variety, he added, but that's the main one.")

Seriously, 4:41 per mile. How is that humanly possible? Sub-4:45 miles for two hours straight. How long can you sustain a dead sprint? And even if you could sustain a dead sprint for one full mile, could you run a sub-five? Not even in my fittest days could I pull that off. Add in Heartbreak Hill and the other elevation climbs that the Boston Marathon is famous for at race's end (just in case you were feeling good still), and I am back to SWEET MUTAI.

I ran a half marathon once after I retired from soccer and couldn't walk for three weeks after the race. I tried to convince everyone I must have been running with a broken foot. My doctor told me to stop whining, it was just arthritis. Buzz kill. I think I at least beat Mutai's full marathon time, so I am starting to feel good about my running prowess again.

With all of the world-record chatter, let's not forget the fastest women's time at the Boston Marathon was set by another Kenyan, Caroline Kilel. Kilel outsprinted American Desiree Davila in the last 200 yards to win it in 2:22.36. WOW again. Kilel's is the second-fastest women's time in Boston's history.

I want to be Kenyan. I want to be a runner. I want to finish a full marathon in sub-four hours once in my lifetime. Or maybe just run a full marathon. Or maybe just cheer on someone running a full or half marathon.

Yes, I will stick to my 25-30 minute personal run/walks until someone dangles a donut at the finish line. A glass of red always works, too.

Cheers to Geoffrey Mutai and Caroline Kilel for the inspiration this week. Incredible.