Remember "The Very Hungry Caterpillar?" That famished little larvae fueled himself with all sorts of delicious, health food: A single red apple one day; two green pears the next; three tasty purple plums the day after. Yes, Mr. Caterpillar was an antioxidant machine. Until Day 6, when he cracked under society's pressure to look perfect in bikini briefs and binged on chocolate cake, ice cream, cheese, salami, cherry pie, sausage and a lollipop. Fatty.
Hey -- don't look at me! I'm not the one who decided to distribute 17,000-plus copies of the book to pediatricians' offices nationwide as part of an anti-childhood obesity effort. That would be the American Academy of Pediatrics, who teamed up with the Pearson Foundation and We Give Books to turn the childhood favorite into a cautionary tale of impending gastric bypass surgery. Toddlers will now get to flip through growth charts with their bedtime story as parents tell the story of a once-rail thin caterpillar who couldn't control his appetite and now needs to join Weight Watchers in order to blossom into a butterfly.
Some other modern day lessons we could learn from our childhood favorites:
"Little Women" -- Eating disorders are still rampant in high-level athletics.
"Green Eggs and Ham" -- Protein-loading is the new carbo-loading.
"Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret" -- Behind every successful female athlete is a supportive sports bra.
"The Tale of Peter Rabbit" -- Ramp up your workout routine with plyometrics.
"Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" -- Lowfat chocolate milk trumps electrolyte drinks as post-workout recovery drink. (Regards to Augustus Gloop.)
"A Wrinkle in Time" -- The tagline for a new Botox ad.
"The Complete Tales of Winnie the Pooh" -- New American Diabetic Association spokesperson.
"Goodnight, Moon" -- Sleep deprivation hinders athletic performance.
"The Tortoise and the Hare" -- How to survive your first marathon.
"Pinocchio" -- The more you work your muscles, the bigger, stronger and longer they become.
"The Black Stallion" -- You, too, can rock the toned adductors of equestrians.
